According to the National Day Calendar, today is National I Want You To Be Happy Day. Sounds generous, right? But as I learned last month, it ain’t necessarily so.
The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is the phenomenon where something you recently learned suddenly appears ‘everywhere’. Also called Frequency Bias (or Illusion), the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is the seeming appearance of a newly-learned (or paid attention to) concept in unexpected places.
One of the reasons I bought my car was its unique bluish metal color — Dolomite Silver. Visions of Italy’s Dolomite mountains and ice-blue glaciers made me dreamy. Until a few weeks later when I began to notice silver cars. Everywhere. They seemed to be the only cars on the road.
“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”
Following the crowd makes me uncomfortable. If it’s a best-seller, top-rated, in fashion, popular…or everywhere, then I’m likely not to like it. I like weird. So like a kid left alone with drawing paper, colored pens, stickers, stamp and ink pads, I decide to pinstripe my brand new car.
Aaron arrives in the morning with an array of enamel paint colors. We choose a shade named peacock blue for the lines. He would use white/gray for the stars. Late morning, he calls me outside to look at the color on the car. “Hmm. I don’t know, it’s kind of bright,” I said politely. He assures me, “It’ll look different in the sunlight and in the shade.” I acquiesce, “You’re the artist.”
The designs are rad, but the colors are unsettling — the blue reminds me of the handicap parking sign color; the stars are dull and without shimmer. Maybe, hopefully, the colors will grow on me. By now it’s late afternoon and time to stop the madness. To make him feel good and happy, I practically dance around the car saying, “I love it! I love it!” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Days later in text I write to Aaron: I know you said the existing color would change but it’s still too neon. He replies: I was under the impression that you loved the color otherwise I would’ve tried to wipe it off the same day. Then I call him to speak in person. “This has been another life lesson for me. You see, I like to make others feel good — sometimes at the expense of me feeling good — which is unfair to all involved.”
This costly lesson, yet to be determined if learned, is on me. Next time — One: Trust myself. Just because I’m not an “artist” doesn’t mean I don’t know what I like. Two: Honesty, with tact and a gentle tone, is The Way. Three: It’s not selfish to want you AND me, to be happy.
Since then, driving around town and on a corner I’ve passed a hundred times, I spy impressive pinstriping artwork on a trash receptacle. Eddie’s Custom Cars. Right here in Morro Bay. Wolfgang is painting my car as I write this post. So far, I believe the color is going to be perfection and the stars, the stars are going to twinkle…
Wolf just texted. Ready tomorrow. Photos forthcoming…
“Everybody plays the fool, no exception to the rule.” – The Main Ingredient
You are like that Heidi – you never want to offend or dismiss people…but it is at your expense (pun intended.) I have to be like that when working with customers – just because I like a plant or tree, does not mean they will like it – so I try to get honest and open communication/dialogue…
You do deserve to be happy, especially when you are paying for it – and in life, it is not what you say, but how you say it. You are far from being selfish. Can’t wait to see Wolfgang’s artistry!
“I can’t give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” — Herbert Bayard Swope
Joanna, you make me feel all right, sister. Thanks as always for your experience and input.
Dear Heidi
I’ve recently been introduced to your Blog by my friend Anissa, one of the loves of your life!! Brad and Anissa are amazing and having met them 2 years ago when we moved here from London they (particularly Brad, actually no… the pair of them!) talk about you and your incredible late husband. Yes, the stories are great 😂. We feel blessed to have met them. If it wasn’t for COVID I’d be there in a flash. My husband loved New Orleans. I know you have moved from there however. I will go one day x
I’m about to read another couple of posts that youve done… you write so well. As I was told… And. I wish you well. Alex x
Thank you kindly for reading and commenting, Alex! Apologies for missing this?! I adore Brad, Anissa and family. We have shared the most memorable and magical moments together. If… no when! you go to New Orleans, I have a list of local sweet spots if you’re interested.
Every fool is happy. But is the car happy. Did you ask the car or were you too busy fussing over the stripes. And while you’re at it, ask the car about your driving manners: Do I annoy the car with my singing? Do I make too many rude noises when driving by myself? Should I only play music that I like? Should I play more German marching music? You need a happy dialogue.
Macker. You crack me up.